Mike’s Dump

December 27, 2005

Ok Fine. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

Filed under: Home — mikesdump @ 8:50 am

There are few things in this world that are truly evil. War, greed and
disease are a few I would characterize as class “A” evil. These evils
are the worst of the worst and something that humanity will hopefully
one day be able to put behind us.

Next you get into class B evil which is lesser than class A but still
serious. Under this category I have Brittany Spears, liver and onions,
most TV advertisements, and winter.

Yes that’s right, for several months every year Canadians are forced to
live through the evil know as winter. Here in Alberta we are doing our
part to contribute to global warming which should help reduce the
effects of this evil but we will never be free of it.

There are probably some nonbelievers out there thinking that winter is
great. Making a snowman, snowball fights and everything looks “so
pretty”. Let’s examine these.

Snowman
Who is the most famous snowman? Frosty the snowman, right? Frosty is
pure evil. For starters he smokes a pipe. What kind of message are you
sending to my kids? It is ok to smoke if your lungs are made of snow
and you have a heart of ice? What about second hand smoke? If that
isn’t evil enough I heard whenever Frosty gets pissed off his eyes of
coal start to glow red. Having red eyes is a true sign of evil in my
books.

Snowball Fights
Snowball fights may sound like fun but I can trace back to my childhood
they are in fact evil. When I was in elementary school in Saskatchewan
some friends and I got into a snowball fight at school during recess.
Having a snowball fight was against the school rules (probably because
it is evil) and we all knew it.

I packed my snowball nice and tight. I wound up with all my might and
hurled it. SMASH! I hit one of the other guys in directly in the face.
This was a very proud moment for me because my aim is so bad I have
trouble hitting myself in the face with a snowball. The kid I hit went
crying to a teacher and we all had to go to the principle’s office
after school. This happened more than 20 years ago in the good old days
where children could be beaten until they obeyed.

The principle worked us over psychologically really well telling us how
normally they give kids “the strap” ten times across the hands. If they
pass out before the end they would wait until the kid regained
consciousness before resuming the beating (I’m serious! (That is what
he said anyways)). A couple of the guys were already crying from
having the scenario run through their heads. As the principle talked he
kept cracking “the strap” across his desk, which sounded like a
bullwhip in the crowded office.

One by one each guy received his first hit. Then it was my turn. CRACK!
I looked at my hand and it was red, swelling and sore. (After everyone
was hit once we were told this time we would be given just one hit but
next time it would be ten.) This experience is something I will never forget. Maybe the punishments aren’t as strict as
they use to be for snowball fights but this doesn’t mean they are any
less evil.

“So Pretty”
I’ll admit for a while during winter when everything is white it looks
very nice. Mounds of crisp white snow everywhere and the tree branches
so full it would just take a tap to knock it all down (which leads to
another evil. How evil this act is depends on whom you are doing it
too). You have to realize eventually spring will come and all the snow
will turn into dirty, disgusting slush. This is evil. To put it another
way think of snow like a nice butt. It may be nice to look at for a
while but sooner or later there is going to be crap and you aren’t
going to want to be around for that.

These are just a few examples of the evils of winter and there are many
more. With all the evidence laid before you, you can’t possibly argue
that winter is anything but a class B evil.

But Mike, the title of the post is “Ok Fine. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow”.

I feel it is important for Isabelle to learn winter is evil. Without
her own experiences she would likely question my judgment and maybe
venture off and get into a “crazy” snowball fight. If it snows soon I
can take her out so she can use her new GT snow racer and learn first
hand how evil the season is. Of course I will have to demonstrate
several times how to safely drive a GT snow racer down the hill. No
matter how much fun I may appear to be having this is all about
Isabelle learning a valuable lesson.
GT Snow Racer

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